Getting the Love You Want

If you have ever wondered why the people you are drawn to sometimes feel so familiar — even when that familiarity is not always comfortable — this book offers a gentle, insightful explanation. I often recommend it to couples and individuals who are ready to look beneath the surface of their relationship patterns.

Who This Book Is For

This book is for anyone in a committed relationship who senses there is something deeper going on beneath the surface of their conflicts. It is also for individuals who are not currently in a relationship but want to understand their own patterns before entering one. If you find yourself drawn to the same kind of partner, or having the same arguments, this book will speak to you.

What It's About

Harville Hendrix developed Imago Relationship Therapy based on a simple but profound idea: the unconscious patterns formed in childhood shape who we choose as partners as adults. We are drawn to people who feel familiar because they mirror both the positive and the unfinished aspects of our early relationships. And while that can create challenges, it also creates an extraordinary opportunity for healing and growth. The book walks you through understanding this dynamic and offers practical exercises to transform conflict into connection.

Key Topics

• The Unconscious Partnership — How we choose partners who mirror our early experiences, both the nurturing and the wounding
• The Imago — Understanding the unconscious image of love we carry from childhood
• The Power of Intentional Dialogue — A structured communication tool that helps couples truly hear each other
• Re-Romanticising Your Relationship — Practical steps to rebuild connection and delight
• Healing Through Relationship — How the safety of a committed partnership can become a space for deep personal growth

Why I Recommend It

Imago Therapy is one of the core approaches I use at Little Big Journeys, and this book is its best introduction. What I appreciate most is how compassionate it is — it does not ask you to blame your partner or yourself. Instead, it invites you to see your relationship as a journey of mutual healing. Clients often tell me the exercises in this book create a level of understanding they had not experienced before.

Visit Harville and Helen's website to purchase or learn more ↗