The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

If you are in a committed relationship and want to understand what makes partnerships thrive — or if things feel a bit stuck and you are not sure why — this is the book I recommend first.

Who This Book Is For

This book is for couples at any stage — whether you are newly together, married for decades, or somewhere in between. It is also very helpful if you are planning to start a relationship and want to build on a strong foundation. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from it. In fact, many couples find it most useful when things are generally okay but they want to deepen their connection.

What It's About

Drawing on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples at the Gottman Institute in Seattle, John Gottman identified the specific patterns that distinguish couples who stay happily together from those who drift apart. What I love about this book is that it is not theory — it is based on real, observable behaviours. Gottman can actually predict with over 90% accuracy which couples will separate, just by watching how they interact. And more importantly, he shows us what to do about it.

Key Topics

• Building Love Maps — Getting to know your partner's inner world, their hopes, fears, and dreams, and keeping that knowledge current as you both change
• Nurturing Fondness and Admiration — Actively appreciating the qualities you value in each other, even when you are frustrated
• Turning Towards Each Other — Recognising and responding to the small bids for connection your partner makes every day
• Managing Conflict — Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems, and how to handle each
• Creating Shared Meaning — Building rituals, stories, and values that give your relationship a sense of purpose

Why I Recommend It

The Gottman Method is one of the main approaches I use in my work with couples at Little Big Journeys. This book complements what we do in sessions beautifully — it gives you practical exercises to try at home, and it helps you see your relationship through a lens of curiosity rather than blame. Many of my clients have told me it changed how they understand each other.

Visit the Gottman Institute website to purchase or learn more ↗